I am an atheist living in an environment filled with people who worship God and devote their lives for the same cause. Seems a very common scene! People consider atheists as some antagonistic or negative role-playing people. And to be fair it is kind of true. Atheism is in a way going against the regular norms of the society. But what people mistakenly do is, take for granted that the word ‘Atheism‘ for presence of evil and not just purely absence of ‘God‘.
And I do not blame them. People tend to live inside their own convictions. They just tend to believe what they think they saw; what they feel is easier for them. Just like in the medieval period it was easier for them to accept that earth is in the middle of the universe than to actually believe the other way round. Until that is someone just rose up to the occasion to knock their brains out to make them believe so. And in fact its true in all the aspects of life and not only atheism. If someone’s not straight there’s some mental disability in him; the ‘Hijras‘ are often considered as eunuchs; and such beliefs just keep popping up.
Anyways, back to atheism, I wanted to find an answer to my questions. What am I supposedly doing here? What do people get from believing in God? or Why do they believe in him in the first place! The truth of the matter is I am not against God, I even bow before him everyday(Though a promise is what keeps me going in reality). I just can’t put myself to give 100 percent devotion to the task. And this is what makes me feel an atheist. Why would one do a work where he can’t give his full devotion? But then it doesn’t mean I do not believe in Him. It’s just that I am trying to find a reason to put things in perspective.
And the answer to all these questions, I hope I would find in studying “dharma“. I found that “Bhagvad Gita” and more precisely the whole of “Mahabharata” has a detailed description of this dharma and how does it work. And I still believe that believing in dharma and acting according to one are mutually exclusive to believing in God. How I took the whole concept is that we believe in God as some one who has power to control us. It’s just like say our teacher who constantly supervises our action and punishes us appropriately for all our misdeeds. So that we stay in line, within our boundaries in fear of that punishment. And this works very well except for the fact that this teacher in reality might not exist. Or it might have existed at some point, in time, but not now; now we just believe it’s here and act accordingly.
So what do I take from this? Well for one thing, I would most certainly continue to act within my boundaries which I have accepted to be true and just. And about that teacher or the leveler, as a friend of mine said while I had a chat with her on this topic, well I had started considering “fate” or “luck” to be this leveler. So am I wrong in saying that God and luck are two sides of the same coin? Or is there something else that I am missing here? I have talked to many people on this and to my surprise everyone has his own version of belief on this and this leaves my question unanswered. I guess I have walked on a different path already to find my own truth, my own conviction of truth. Once I find my answers I am sure I would have a better understanding of this all. I am open to all of your suggestions to on this matter; after all I disapprove to live blindly inside my own conviction without ever knowing the truth…..